Purpose

As much as I don’t like the idea of “about” sections on websites, I’m a firm believer that everything must have a purpose, thus so must this blog.

Most of you who read this already know me, so I won’t waste your time with personal introductions. If you don’t know me and were somehow misled or convinced to make your way here, feel free to browse.

Here goes nothing.

I’ve had several aborted attempts at blogging, and if you looked hard enough you could find the wreckage of those failures. I’m still not sure why I’ve been unable to keep at it. It’s not that I don’t have anything to say—though I’ll admit that I’m not sure I have anything interesting to say. I think, I think I even over-think. I often stay up late at night, hours after I’ve gotten into bed, sitting there thinking. It’s not an enjoyable process. I’ve lately taken to listening to my iPod to try and silence the thoughts. I may be infamous for my owl-like hours, but even I need sleep occasionally. I think writing on this blog, finding some outlet for those thoughts, may help me. So think of this blog as therapy for me as much as anything else.

Perhaps the problem is the medium. As the old communications adage goes, “the medium is the message.” I think the real problem may be that I’m too much of a perfectionist when it comes to my writing. Any thoughts that could travel from my head to other people (without excessively offending someone) requires such a rigorous filtering process that it takes forever for me to write even a few paragraphs I think are presentable. Eventually I get so tired and frustrated with the amount of time it takes to produce something that I give up altogether.

That, to me, is simply not acceptable. I don’t know myself all that well, but I do know that I need to write. I need to. In my personal statement for my law school applications, I wrote that “I love writing, but I love it the way you love a hobby, not the way you love your life’s calling.” While that may be true, it does nothing to diminish the fact that it is an important part of my life. I need to write to keep myself human. I will probably end up in law and politics in my career, two fields notable for their propensity to dehumanize people. The last thing I want is to be some drone filing temporary restraining orders or mindlessly spouting talking points to another talking head. Those things may one day be the prose in my life, but I need some poetry, too.

Not that I think I’m a particularly great writer or that the world somehow deserves to be blessed with my brilliancy. I only think I’m borderline brilliant. I’m at most a decent writer who has yet to really find his voice (for what it’s worth, it seems to be one part snarky and two parts emo). If what they say is true—that most of talent is practice—well, I could use the practice. The only way I’m going to be a better writer is to keep writing.

So I guess this blog is more for me than it is for the people who read it. If somehow what I say interests you, then welcome aboard. If not, well, you know what do with yourself.