Why lawyers make a lot of money, or why I should have been a painter

I spent a whole bunch of money yesterday. For the amount of cash culled from my bank account, you know what I could have gotten?

One of these, with enough cash left over to pay for three months worth of data service:


Two of these, and a few games to boot:
A guaranteed plane ticket to this idyllic destination:


Instead, what did I spend a small fortune on? Well, folks, it's these babies:
Yep, you're looking at $741 worth of law textbooks. I always knew that my textbook expenditures at SLS would dwarf anything I spent during undergrad, but the margin was more than I imagined. Before I got my reading list for my fall semester classes, I went to the bookstore on Saturday to try and scope out the law section to get a ballpark figure for the cost of books. I was surprised to see that most were reasonably priced, and by reasonably I mean less than $70. I shook my head, and mused that every law student I've heard complain about this problem was just exaggerating.

Reading list in hand, I went back to the bookstore on Monday to get my books before everyone
else did. Most people had yet to move in so I reasoned I had a shot of picking up the used books, which are sold at a decent discount. That pipe dream lasted long enough for me to find the first book on my list: Civil Procedure, Theory and Practice. $138. That's the upper limit of much I spent on textbooks per quarter back in the day. The used books were listed for much cheaper prices, but of course, none were available. After quickly scanning the rest of the books I had to buy, I estimated that the bottom line would be somewhere from $300 to $400.

Obviously my serious deficiency with numbers explains why I'm going to law school and not getting a Ph.D in math, because when the cashier read "seven hundred and forty one dollars," I remembered what it felt like to get shafted (figuratively of course). I suppose that I may keep these books for the rest of my lawyering days, that they could be handy reference guides for years to come. That doesn't make the cost any more palatable, though.

So, next time you wonder why lawyers make so much money, here is your answer: because it costs so much to become one. If lawyers made what service workers made, there'd be no reason to go to law school. There would be no lawyers. Some of you may think that would be an improvement, but ask yourself: who are you going to turn to next time you spill a scalding hot cup of McDonald's coffee on your lap? Are you going to sit there, take it, and apply ice to your genitals? No. You're going to lawsuit up, and take the Golden Arches to court. While your lawyer is before the judge explaining how the boiling coffee has done irreparable damage to your reproductive organs, and that this impairment has caused you great emotional turmoil, don't complain about how much you're paying him to represent you. Don't complain because he had to dole out a shitload of money just so he could get up there and represent your clumsy ass in the first place.